Posted 2:44 PM by Luke
I'm still here

I almost died this week. To be more precise, I almost died on my 21st birthday.

The drive down I-70 may have become all too familiar. Maybe I didn't get enough sleep. Maybe the music wasn't upbeat enough for the drive. I don't know. About a fourth of the way into the drive home to St. Louis on Wednesday, I began to feel sleepy. I shifted in my seat, cranked the music, gave myself a few slaps on the face, to try to revive myself. But it wasn't working, and I knew it. But I foolishly kept driving. Gotta get home, I thought. So I drove onward, trying to sing along to Third Day and keep focused. The song "You're Everywhere" added to the driftyness I was feeling with its floating melody and drifty background.

Suddenly, I was startled by a loud bang. I opened my eyes, which I didn't even realize were closed, to see that I was rumbling across the grass median. My small car bounced and shook violently as it made its way toward the shoulder of the oncoming traffic. I grabbed the wheel out of reflex, not even realizing what was going on. As my car settled onto the oncoming shoulder and moved into the line of oncoming traffic, a Ford F-250-sized truck barreled toward me. I pulled hard to the right as the truck swerved around me. I veered back into the grass median and felt my world slow down as I lost control of the car. The music still floated in the background as my car began to fishtail. "You're everywhere....." sang Mac Powell of Third Day. I wondered if I was about to truly experience God's omniprescence.

But it wasn't my time. The car skidded to a side stop in the mud, the nose facing up toward the side of the road I had left moments ago. Eyes wide, I finally breathed a huge sigh and tried to grasp what had just happened. "I just almost died!" I cried out in disbelief. But I couldn't grasp it. My mind wouldn't let me at that moment. Perhaps the shock would have been too great. It was as if my body needed a second to catch up with itself. I said a quick, confused prayer of thanks and then tried to pull out of the median. The wheels spun. Stuck. I stepped out into the mud to see that the wheels had been buried deep into the mud. I called my dad to let him know I probably wouldn't make it to dinner.

It was then, after I got off the phone with my dad, that hit me. I began to shake, and before I knew it, tears burst forth uncontrollably. The confusion of emotions was so intense, I can't hope to describe. Thankfulness, fear, questions of why I was still ok when other have died that way, praise, wonder, new appreciation for life. I would have been in heaven, I thought. But I don't want to go out like that, Lord. Thank you. Such confusion, but such freshness. I prayed for awhile, not even knowing what to say. After I regained composure, I called AAA for a tow-truck, and called some friends to tell them what had just happened. Eventually, the truck came to pull me out, and my car drove fine all the way home.

It was a miracle. I thought of all the possibilities. I had crossed a lane of traffic, yet no one was there. What if the truck's driver hadn't been paying attention? What if there had been a guard rail? What if there had been a parked car on the shoulder? What if the median had been steeper, not so flat? What if my car had flipped? So many other possibilities. But I am still here. No visible effects, though I am a bit shaken still. I still have questions of why. Why did God protect me through it, when so many unsaved people have died and kiled others when they fall asleep at the wheel? Why did it happen at all? I don't know. But God certainly reassured me that He still wnats me here for something. That I know. And maybe that's all I need to to know right now. I can't expect to package the scariest thing that has ever happened to me into a neat, explainable event. Perhaps I am too attached to this world. I don't know. I still feel to young to go home. I want to be a part of God's kingdom-building while I still can. I hope I can take to the campus more urgently as school starts up again. What happened to me can happen to any of my classmates in an instant, with not so fortunate results. That's what struck me the hardest. It was instant. I was not even aware that I was dozing, and all of the sudden I was in the median. No warning. No chance to stop it.

But like I said, I can't really put it into words. It was horribly wonderful, if that makes sense at all. One thing I do know is that the faces and voices of friends and family that night were a little sweeter than usual. Praise God for those who love me and felt the same way. I'm sure that sweetness will carry over into this week when I see all my college friends, too.

And, just to let you know I am still all here and rockin', despite my experiece, I am currently listening The Beatles' Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. Do I really need to say anything about this album? It's between that and Revolver for greatest, most important album of all time. Does that help?